"alright Jock, it’s Tam here, how’s it hanging pal? D’you fancy goin’ along tae a funeral on Thursday? It’ll be a right good yin. A big ‘turn up’ is expected, without a single vegetable in sight".
"Who is it that’s getting buried?" Jock replied
"The deceased ya daft bugger, who dae ye think"?
"Well, I had already worked that out. So who was he"?
"Wullie Spencer! Apparently he was a van driver over at Hamilton". He replied.
"Whit he die oh"? Jock asked, showing some concern for a fallen weejie.
"What! All of a sudden you’re fucken ‘Quincy ME’? How the fuck wid I know, I just read it in the paper, but he died of something, or they widnay be burying him"!
Jock thought for a moment then said, "I don’t think I know him".
"Well ye don’t need to worry about it Jock, ‘cause yer no’ gonny be introduced, he's deid"!