Susan Boyle. International Superstar ?

BGT! Britains Got Talent!

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Dustin Hoffman, President Obama are just a few of the A list names banded around when it comes to the newly crowned queen of entertainment, the one and only SUBO.

Ok, so, a lonely auld spinster pops up on an over rated talent show and takes the world by storm. Every one is talking about how talented and gifted this unlikely creature is. I beg to differ!!

Subo can, I admit, hold the notes of two songs quite well but give her an Abba number and she falls to pieces shouting for her cat and running around hotel lobbys pointing at random folk.

This woman is the reason why Scottish people should never be allowed on reality television. In fact any television without a strict vetting process. Her inane warblings, her emotional breakdowns and that wierd dance she does when cameras are around screams pure insanity, an insanity Im sure she has suffered for most of her life but it has only now come to the fore with all the pressure she finds herself in.

She is not the only Scot to embarrass us. Look at previous BIG BROTHER. Any Scottish person to become a housemate has been either mad or intorable, granted Karly in BB09 isnt too bad.

Scotland does not want to be portrayed by these morons or by people who break down at the slightest hint of popularity, we just want to switch the telly on and not be reminded of how bad our accent sounds to others and how mad a nation we must actually be.

Parrott and Viagra

Jock returns home from work all excited as he has managed to get a date with a girl at work. After having his shower he reaches into the bathroom cabinet to get his last Viagra only to discover it had gone.
Confused he wandered through to his living room and there stood his pet parrott with the viagra pack at his feet and an enormous erection.
"Noooooooooooo!" Cried Jock and furious at his pet grabbed the parrott and put him in the freezer shouting "Im disgusted! You can stay in here till you cool down!"

After a few hours Jock, feeling a bit guilty, opens the freezer to retrieve the parrott only to find it on the middle shelf sweating prefusely and still with a huge erection. "How is this possible, how can you still be sweating?"

The parrott, frustrated, replies "You would be sweating too, do you know how difficult it is to prize open the legs of a frozen chicken!!"

It has been ages

Well hello my faithfull few I hope you havent missed me too much.

I know it has been more than a while but hey Im back now with new rants and jokes and other material to be getting on with and I am proud to announce we have just had a "Wee Boy". He is absolutely fantastic and ill post a couple o' pics later.............