Is Summer here????

Ive just popped in from the garden because it is too hot!

Yup thats right summer may actually be here!!!! All i can say is its about bloody time lol.

I blame the governments of the world for our poor summers. All this talk of saving the environment, getting everyone to recycle because of global warming - TOSH!

Anyone who has ever filled a glass with ice cubes and topped it up with their fave tipple will understand that sea levels will NOT rise when the ice caps do. Thinkl about it! When the ice in your drink melts does your glass overflow? NO! Its displacement.

So the people of Scotland beg the nations of the world, stop recycling, stop switching off your computer, stop switching off lights and TV sets and give us the summer we deserve.

(this is a rant with facts but i do encourage saving the planet really lol)

Susan Boyle. International Superstar ?

BGT! Britains Got Talent!

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Dustin Hoffman, President Obama are just a few of the A list names banded around when it comes to the newly crowned queen of entertainment, the one and only SUBO.

Ok, so, a lonely auld spinster pops up on an over rated talent show and takes the world by storm. Every one is talking about how talented and gifted this unlikely creature is. I beg to differ!!

Subo can, I admit, hold the notes of two songs quite well but give her an Abba number and she falls to pieces shouting for her cat and running around hotel lobbys pointing at random folk.

This woman is the reason why Scottish people should never be allowed on reality television. In fact any television without a strict vetting process. Her inane warblings, her emotional breakdowns and that wierd dance she does when cameras are around screams pure insanity, an insanity Im sure she has suffered for most of her life but it has only now come to the fore with all the pressure she finds herself in.

She is not the only Scot to embarrass us. Look at previous BIG BROTHER. Any Scottish person to become a housemate has been either mad or intorable, granted Karly in BB09 isnt too bad.

Scotland does not want to be portrayed by these morons or by people who break down at the slightest hint of popularity, we just want to switch the telly on and not be reminded of how bad our accent sounds to others and how mad a nation we must actually be.

Parrott and Viagra

Jock returns home from work all excited as he has managed to get a date with a girl at work. After having his shower he reaches into the bathroom cabinet to get his last Viagra only to discover it had gone.
Confused he wandered through to his living room and there stood his pet parrott with the viagra pack at his feet and an enormous erection.
"Noooooooooooo!" Cried Jock and furious at his pet grabbed the parrott and put him in the freezer shouting "Im disgusted! You can stay in here till you cool down!"

After a few hours Jock, feeling a bit guilty, opens the freezer to retrieve the parrott only to find it on the middle shelf sweating prefusely and still with a huge erection. "How is this possible, how can you still be sweating?"

The parrott, frustrated, replies "You would be sweating too, do you know how difficult it is to prize open the legs of a frozen chicken!!"

It has been ages

Well hello my faithfull few I hope you havent missed me too much.

I know it has been more than a while but hey Im back now with new rants and jokes and other material to be getting on with and I am proud to announce we have just had a "Wee Boy". He is absolutely fantastic and ill post a couple o' pics later.............

tam and senga

Tam gets home and the first thing he does is flop onto the sofa and demands "Senga, get me a beer before it starts!"
Senga strolls through and passes Tam his beer.
After about 2 mins Tam, again, shouts "Senga! Quick get me another beer before it starts!"
Once more Senga passes him a beer and yet once more Tam shouts "another beforee it starts!"
Senga storms through and shouts "Listen here you lazy fat beggar, get up off your lazy ass and get the beers yourself and stop barking orders and...."
Tam mutters to himself at this point "And there it starts!"

blow up doll ....................

A bloke walks into an Adult sex shop and asks the assistant for an inflatable girlfriend.

"would you like a blonde or brunette?" asks the assistant

"a blond please" he replies

"Blue eyes or green?" the bloke was next asked

"Green please" he says with an eager smile

"Christian or Muslim" he was finally asked.

"What the heel has religion got to do with anything" asks the bloke, confused.

The assistant replies "Well the Muslim blows her self up!"

Wow......

Oh my god.....!!!!!!

Look at group B......

Scotland are still top.

At home we just beat, sorry, HUMPED, Estonia 3-1

every football fan, every father, son, daughter, uncle, granny and popa just cant believe that we are still at the top of the group that includes France and Italy!!!!

I would swear but its just not in my nature.

Fuck it!

"Fan FUCKIN TASTIC!!!"

QUARTER FINALS....

Scotland have made it to the quarter finals of the world cup

scotland v argentina

quarter finals

world cup

last 8

is it really true???????????????

Scotland the amazing............

Its not very often that I look at the world of sport and see the results I am now witnessing for Scotland. National and League teams seem to have found a new vigour, a new breath of life, a new OOMPH!

Champions League football - both old firms are in the qualifying stages of footballs most prestigious competition. Gunning for a place in the last 16, both teams are showing the world that Scotland is now no lomger an underdog nation, we can hold our own and we can kick your arse! LOL

Rugby world cup. Ok granted we were humped 40-0 by New Zealand but we put out a B team to save our first team players from injury as, although it was a horrific result we are still secound in our group and are in a good position to qualify.

Scotland Football team.
Need I say more?
Last year we achieved the unthinkable and won 1-0 against France at Hampden, amazing. Just recently we then travelled to Paris for the second leg and to everyones amazement we did it again!
SCOTLAND 1 - FRANCE 0

We now sit at the top of the table.
Scotland at the top of the group???? Im still pinching myself.

Scotland, Brainiest Bunch in Britain. Official!!

Test the Nation, a quiz on BBC Television was aired last night. They take teams of work groups such as surgeons, removal men etc etc and pitch them against each other in an IQ Test.

People at home can take part interactively and online.

Out of 70 questions, made up of memory tasks, observation tasks and the like, I managed 59 correct. This gives me an IQ of 125. Pretty good considering the highest is 146!! I am impressed if not a little surprised lol.

The BBC also collate the results from all interactive and online participants to find the average IQ of each of the 4 home nations, NIreland, Wales,England and of course Scotland.

Guess What!

Its no suirprise to me.............

SCOTLAND CAME TOP!!!

With an average IQ of 94.

Come on the Scots.

(For proof of our iontelligence read "whas Like us" down the right hand column.